My withered Flower - Ziall Day 1 - 9
JAG BEHÖVER HJÄLP!!!! öubjokgrafvzjäipknl-gwrfs z
Nej men fast jo...
Jag la in en teaser igår men nu har jag skrivit fast om fantasin tog slut
Ni får gärna läsa det jag skrivit hit tills och hjälpa mig med att komma vidare >w<
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Day 1:
You’re gone and you’ll never come back. I’ll never see that perfect smile och hear your smooth voice. I couldn’t handle it, it was to much…
It's been 24 hours since you left us… since you left me.
I ran one hand through my blond hair. I sighted and stood up from the same chair that I’ve been sitting in for the last 24 hours. I didn’t want to leave the room where you was the last time I saw you.
Even if it was horrible to see what you became this last months of your life.
“You okej Ni?” Liam stood in the door looking at me.
“No, I’m not. I’ll never be okey again.” I walked past Liam and down the hospital hall. I just wanted to be home again. I didn’t want to be here.
Back in my apartment I locked myself inside and let out my tears. I didn’t want to cry in public but now I was alone and no one could see how I broke down.
“Why did you take him from me?” I was shouting, I didn’t rally know to who but I guess it was to God.
I fell into my sofa with all my cloths on and shoes. I was to tired of all crying that I didn’t care.
My tears didn’t stop as I expected so I cried myself to sleep.
Day 2:
I woke up in the sofa. I had been sleeping for 14 hours and I was still tired.
As I sat up I felt a headache come. “Oh god, I’ve not been drinking for days now” I thought to myself. I walked into the kitchen and saw a plate with some food on the bench. I wasn’t hungry so walked by it without even looking to it. It was probably Liam who had made it for me so I felt a bit guilty but I didn’t care.
That day I didn’t do so much more than watch old clips from x-factor and every time you sang I fell back in tears.
Again I fell in the sofa with the tv playing “Tell me a lie” on repeat.
Day 3:
“Oh God Niall you have to get up”. Liam sat on the table in front of the sofa looking at me.
“I don’t want to”. I laid still hoping that he would go away.
“Ni you haven’t eat anything for days and you smell like shit. What would Zayn say if he was here”? When Liam mentioned Zayn I was brought back to life.
Tears started to appear in my eyes as I sat up.
“I’m so sorry Niall”. Liam grabbed me and gave me a tight hug. I didn’t want to be there, I wanted to be with Zayn and on one else.
“I’m so sorry Ni, but you really have to get ready for Zayns funeral”. I whipped away my tears and stood up.
“Okey”. I walked into the bathroom just get a a huge chock when I looked at myself in the mirror.
“Oh God it this what I look like right now”. My eyes was so red and puffy it hurted. My hair stood in all angles and stuff.
I took of my clothes and took a quick shower. It felt good to be clean again. I dressed with one of Zayns black shirts and my black jeans.
As I walked into Liams flat I didn’t care that the other guys looked at the shirt.
“Isn’t that Zayns”? Louis looked at me and I just gave him a nod and sat down in the chain next to the window.
On the funeral I cried, I cried my heart out and I just hated to see Zayns pale face. He looked so clam even without his hair.
After half the funeral I had to leave, I couldn’t be there. So I just left, without telling someone.
I walked around in the city, I didn’t care about some fans that was screaming my name.
One girl that I passed just gave me a hug and whispered that she was sorry. For some reason I felt kind of happy that she wasn’t like everyone else.
I walked home to Sean. I knew that he wasn’t home but I had a spare key to his house and I didn’t want to see the other lads to see me.
Day 4:
I woke up with 26 missed calls and 94 texts. 90% of them was from Liam, 5% from Louis, 3% from Harry and 2% from Paul.
I didn’t want to see any of them today so I turned of my phone and went to see it I could find some other clothes. I was still wearing Zayns shirt after I changed.
Again I spend my day in front of the tv listening to old songs and watched old interviews.
Day 5:
I woke up when I heard knocks on the door. It was probably Liam, I didn’t want to see him but I got up and walked to the door. When I open the door it wasn’t Liam, it was Louis. He looked destroyed with messed up clothes and his hair all over the place.
“Oh Ni”. He fell into my arms. We walked inside and I closed the door.
“Where the fuck have you been? We’ve been so worried about you”. Louis pulled away and looked at me.
“I’ve been here all the time”.
“Why haven’t you called back”? I let go of Louis and walked away.
“I didn’t want you to see me like this”. I stood by the window and looked on the leaves that flew through the air.
“Like that? Oh come on Niall what would Zayn say if he saw you-”.
“He’s not here, hie dead and will never dome back”. I walked past Louis and out to the street. As Louis followed me I started to run. I ran away from him and from the truth.
“Niall”! Louis ran after me but sense I was fasted than him I was gone in seconds.
Day 6:
I’d been walking around all night. Sure I had an empty bottle of Whisky in hand but still.
What would zayn say if he saw me now? I had to make up for him.
I walked to our apartments, I just hoped that nobody was home. To my surprise no one was, so I walked to my flat and walked inside. It was weird to be back but it was just for now.
I took a quick shower. I walked into Zayns room, I grabbed one of his howdies and a pair of his brown chinos. I took my wallet and took my shoes.
As I walked outside I knocked into Harry.
“Oh god Ni, where the fuck have you been”?
“Nowhere”. I walked past him and down the hall. I was quit happy that he didn’t follow me.
I walked down to the flower shop and bought a pair of roses.
It was a long walk to the graveyard but I didn’t want to take the buss.
By the time I came to Zayns grave it was dark. I hadn’t seen his grave before this but it was beautiful. Just like him. I sat down and laid the roses on the grave. I wanted to talk to you so bad, feel your touch to my skin.
“Zayn if you can hear me I want you to know some stuff. I miss you, more then you can expect. I know that I should be with the boys and help them but I can’t. Every time I see them without you in the middle I’ll fall to tears. I know that I’m weak and that I should be stronger but I can’t… I need you”. I started to sing “Your Guardian Angel”, in the middle of the song I could hear your sweet, sweet voice.
I fell asleep next to your gravestone, next to you.
Day 7:
I woke up when I felt a hand on my shoulder but I was to cold and to tired to open my eyes so they stayed closed.
“Pick him up and that him to the car”. I guessed it was Paul who lifted me up. I remembered the smell of him, the feeling of security fell over me.
Day 8:
I woke up again in my room. It was 5.27 am, so I wasn’t really for go up bur I had been sleeping for the whole day.
I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. I was really pale and skinny, I haven’t had a real meal for a week now. Gosh I looked disgusting.
In the kitchen someone had made me some food. I could guess it was Paul sense it was pancakes.
Later on that day the guys knocked at my door but I didn’t open it sense I was laying on the floor passed out. They would see that I didn’t even poked the food.
Day 9:
This time I woke up in a hospital room. Or I thought so at least. The only thing that was in the room was a bed, a table, a chair and my green bag. There was also a mirror so I stood up and looked at the pale, skinny, disgusting boy in the mirror.
“Is that really me”?
“Yea”. I turned around ans saw Liam in the doorway.
“Where am I”?
“McGricks hospital for psychic kids”. Liam look was at the ground with a sad face.
“Why am I here? I’m fine”.
“Fine?! You haven’t eaten sense Zayn died, you’re drinking at night and God knows where you disappeared to”. Liam watched me as a tear fell down his cheek.
“I’m sorry that I don’t want to do anything. I’ve lost Zayn, one of the few that really loved me. I love him”! I felt the anger gre inside of me. How could they put me here? Sure I had it tough, but didn’t all of us have it?
I went straight up to Liam and started to him him.
“I don’t want to be here, I’m fine, I shouldn’t be here”. Liam didn’t move, he just stood there waiting for me to give up. Sense I’ve not been eating for days it didn’t take long before I was all tired. Then he reached for me and gave me a hug. He didn’t say a thing he just stood there and held me tight.
“Just give it a try, okey”? I didn’t say yes but he took my silence as a yes.
The rest of the day I met alot of people who asked me alot of stuff. I didn’t answer to them all I did was looking out the windows.
That evening I was crying more than ever. I felt more alone than ever. I cried myself to sleep again.
Nej men fast jo...
Jag la in en teaser igår men nu har jag skrivit fast om fantasin tog slut
Ni får gärna läsa det jag skrivit hit tills och hjälpa mig med att komma vidare >w<
-----------------------------
Day 1:
You’re gone and you’ll never come back. I’ll never see that perfect smile och hear your smooth voice. I couldn’t handle it, it was to much…
It's been 24 hours since you left us… since you left me.
I ran one hand through my blond hair. I sighted and stood up from the same chair that I’ve been sitting in for the last 24 hours. I didn’t want to leave the room where you was the last time I saw you.
Even if it was horrible to see what you became this last months of your life.
“You okej Ni?” Liam stood in the door looking at me.
“No, I’m not. I’ll never be okey again.” I walked past Liam and down the hospital hall. I just wanted to be home again. I didn’t want to be here.
Back in my apartment I locked myself inside and let out my tears. I didn’t want to cry in public but now I was alone and no one could see how I broke down.
“Why did you take him from me?” I was shouting, I didn’t rally know to who but I guess it was to God.
I fell into my sofa with all my cloths on and shoes. I was to tired of all crying that I didn’t care.
My tears didn’t stop as I expected so I cried myself to sleep.
Day 2:
I woke up in the sofa. I had been sleeping for 14 hours and I was still tired.
As I sat up I felt a headache come. “Oh god, I’ve not been drinking for days now” I thought to myself. I walked into the kitchen and saw a plate with some food on the bench. I wasn’t hungry so walked by it without even looking to it. It was probably Liam who had made it for me so I felt a bit guilty but I didn’t care.
That day I didn’t do so much more than watch old clips from x-factor and every time you sang I fell back in tears.
Again I fell in the sofa with the tv playing “Tell me a lie” on repeat.
Day 3:
“Oh God Niall you have to get up”. Liam sat on the table in front of the sofa looking at me.
“I don’t want to”. I laid still hoping that he would go away.
“Ni you haven’t eat anything for days and you smell like shit. What would Zayn say if he was here”? When Liam mentioned Zayn I was brought back to life.
Tears started to appear in my eyes as I sat up.
“I’m so sorry Niall”. Liam grabbed me and gave me a tight hug. I didn’t want to be there, I wanted to be with Zayn and on one else.
“I’m so sorry Ni, but you really have to get ready for Zayns funeral”. I whipped away my tears and stood up.
“Okey”. I walked into the bathroom just get a a huge chock when I looked at myself in the mirror.
“Oh God it this what I look like right now”. My eyes was so red and puffy it hurted. My hair stood in all angles and stuff.
I took of my clothes and took a quick shower. It felt good to be clean again. I dressed with one of Zayns black shirts and my black jeans.
As I walked into Liams flat I didn’t care that the other guys looked at the shirt.
“Isn’t that Zayns”? Louis looked at me and I just gave him a nod and sat down in the chain next to the window.
On the funeral I cried, I cried my heart out and I just hated to see Zayns pale face. He looked so clam even without his hair.
After half the funeral I had to leave, I couldn’t be there. So I just left, without telling someone.
I walked around in the city, I didn’t care about some fans that was screaming my name.
One girl that I passed just gave me a hug and whispered that she was sorry. For some reason I felt kind of happy that she wasn’t like everyone else.
I walked home to Sean. I knew that he wasn’t home but I had a spare key to his house and I didn’t want to see the other lads to see me.
Day 4:
I woke up with 26 missed calls and 94 texts. 90% of them was from Liam, 5% from Louis, 3% from Harry and 2% from Paul.
I didn’t want to see any of them today so I turned of my phone and went to see it I could find some other clothes. I was still wearing Zayns shirt after I changed.
Again I spend my day in front of the tv listening to old songs and watched old interviews.
Day 5:
I woke up when I heard knocks on the door. It was probably Liam, I didn’t want to see him but I got up and walked to the door. When I open the door it wasn’t Liam, it was Louis. He looked destroyed with messed up clothes and his hair all over the place.
“Oh Ni”. He fell into my arms. We walked inside and I closed the door.
“Where the fuck have you been? We’ve been so worried about you”. Louis pulled away and looked at me.
“I’ve been here all the time”.
“Why haven’t you called back”? I let go of Louis and walked away.
“I didn’t want you to see me like this”. I stood by the window and looked on the leaves that flew through the air.
“Like that? Oh come on Niall what would Zayn say if he saw you-”.
“He’s not here, hie dead and will never dome back”. I walked past Louis and out to the street. As Louis followed me I started to run. I ran away from him and from the truth.
“Niall”! Louis ran after me but sense I was fasted than him I was gone in seconds.
Day 6:
I’d been walking around all night. Sure I had an empty bottle of Whisky in hand but still.
What would zayn say if he saw me now? I had to make up for him.
I walked to our apartments, I just hoped that nobody was home. To my surprise no one was, so I walked to my flat and walked inside. It was weird to be back but it was just for now.
I took a quick shower. I walked into Zayns room, I grabbed one of his howdies and a pair of his brown chinos. I took my wallet and took my shoes.
As I walked outside I knocked into Harry.
“Oh god Ni, where the fuck have you been”?
“Nowhere”. I walked past him and down the hall. I was quit happy that he didn’t follow me.
I walked down to the flower shop and bought a pair of roses.
It was a long walk to the graveyard but I didn’t want to take the buss.
By the time I came to Zayns grave it was dark. I hadn’t seen his grave before this but it was beautiful. Just like him. I sat down and laid the roses on the grave. I wanted to talk to you so bad, feel your touch to my skin.
“Zayn if you can hear me I want you to know some stuff. I miss you, more then you can expect. I know that I should be with the boys and help them but I can’t. Every time I see them without you in the middle I’ll fall to tears. I know that I’m weak and that I should be stronger but I can’t… I need you”. I started to sing “Your Guardian Angel”, in the middle of the song I could hear your sweet, sweet voice.
I fell asleep next to your gravestone, next to you.
Day 7:
I woke up when I felt a hand on my shoulder but I was to cold and to tired to open my eyes so they stayed closed.
“Pick him up and that him to the car”. I guessed it was Paul who lifted me up. I remembered the smell of him, the feeling of security fell over me.
Day 8:
I woke up again in my room. It was 5.27 am, so I wasn’t really for go up bur I had been sleeping for the whole day.
I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. I was really pale and skinny, I haven’t had a real meal for a week now. Gosh I looked disgusting.
In the kitchen someone had made me some food. I could guess it was Paul sense it was pancakes.
Later on that day the guys knocked at my door but I didn’t open it sense I was laying on the floor passed out. They would see that I didn’t even poked the food.
Day 9:
This time I woke up in a hospital room. Or I thought so at least. The only thing that was in the room was a bed, a table, a chair and my green bag. There was also a mirror so I stood up and looked at the pale, skinny, disgusting boy in the mirror.
“Is that really me”?
“Yea”. I turned around ans saw Liam in the doorway.
“Where am I”?
“McGricks hospital for psychic kids”. Liam look was at the ground with a sad face.
“Why am I here? I’m fine”.
“Fine?! You haven’t eaten sense Zayn died, you’re drinking at night and God knows where you disappeared to”. Liam watched me as a tear fell down his cheek.
“I’m sorry that I don’t want to do anything. I’ve lost Zayn, one of the few that really loved me. I love him”! I felt the anger gre inside of me. How could they put me here? Sure I had it tough, but didn’t all of us have it?
I went straight up to Liam and started to him him.
“I don’t want to be here, I’m fine, I shouldn’t be here”. Liam didn’t move, he just stood there waiting for me to give up. Sense I’ve not been eating for days it didn’t take long before I was all tired. Then he reached for me and gave me a hug. He didn’t say a thing he just stood there and held me tight.
“Just give it a try, okey”? I didn’t say yes but he took my silence as a yes.
The rest of the day I met alot of people who asked me alot of stuff. I didn’t answer to them all I did was looking out the windows.
That evening I was crying more than ever. I felt more alone than ever. I cried myself to sleep again.
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